Well, I had chemo yesterday and even though I do not feel the affects of this chemo drug as much, it really wears on my body. Even after having an entire week off from treatment my WBC count was down. I am now currently on house arrest, again. Really the only thing I have noticed about this drug is it makes me tired and I guess that makes sense, when your immune system is depressed.
All that aside I only have two more chemo treatments left! I am super excited this is finally coming to an end. I plan to never be on chemo again!
My hair has started to make a nice appearance. I have been going without a hat or wig at work now for about two weeks. My daughter still prefers I wear a wig in public, it makes her sad the way people look at me. It is interesting though what people will say to you... last week, when I was still immune compromised but insisted on going to work and staying in my office with a mask on, I walk out to the reception area and a man, under his breath, said "Oh, that's a scary site." Nice I thought and chuckled. Then later in the week when I no longer had to wear the mask someone asked one of the ladies at the front desk, "What is with the buzz cut." I mean really? Turns out he was a cancer survivor and wanted to talk to me, but I am thinking there was a more polite way to go about that. And then this week, our nurse was out on Monday so I did most of the check ins and some people just asked what I was going through, except for one guy that told me, "For a nickel more I could have given you a real haircut." I decided to make him feel just a little embarrassed and said, "Oh, I am really proud of my hair GROWTH." He felt bad and then asked me all about it. So after this week I have decided to tell people that I got a really bad case of head lice and we had to shave it!
I have no real words of wisdom or insight this blog. I just want to say I love you all and try to always look at the positive side of life it makes it more enjoyable!
Thursday, May 12, 2011
Sunday, April 24, 2011
Happy Easter!
"Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal." 2 Corinthians 4:16-18
Well today I get to watch our Easter service from the comfort of my own home due to the fact that my WBC counts are down. I have been wearing a mask in public and pretty much been quarantined to my house since Thursday. You would think that my house would be spotless at this point...NOPE, I have had zero energy.
I have at this point received four 650mcg doses of Neupogen. This shot takes a few hours to kick in, and yes I do mean KICK. I will all of the sudden start getting this killer headache, muscle fatigue and soreness and then the almost an overwhelming fatigue sets in. It is very strange how you feel when your bone marrow is working so hard at producing.
None the less I will not lose heart! I actually was reading my friend Angela's blog about her treatments and she used this verse during one of her hard weeks and I really thought it was fitting. It is easy for us in times of hardship to blame God, but what we sometimes forget is our focus really matters in life. If I focus on how God gives me strength each and every day to live a full life for him then the hard times, I realize, are not that hard. However, if my focus is on how cancer has ruined my life and made me miserable since Nov 1, which it has not, then I would most likely start to get depressed.
I have been asked several times why the name of my blog is, "My secret place," and I am not sure that I have addressed that on my blog. My secret place is the place where I find my peace and joy in everyday life. It is the spot in my heart that God works in me. When I started this blog I knew that I wanted it to be public, and this is a very personal time in my life, but I truly feel that God wants us all to live OUT our lives for him and show others how and why we are they way we are. So I decided to take this blog and use it to show others that in My secret place is where I am renewed day by day.
I pray that you all have a blessed Easter and the week to come!
Well today I get to watch our Easter service from the comfort of my own home due to the fact that my WBC counts are down. I have been wearing a mask in public and pretty much been quarantined to my house since Thursday. You would think that my house would be spotless at this point...NOPE, I have had zero energy.
I have at this point received four 650mcg doses of Neupogen. This shot takes a few hours to kick in, and yes I do mean KICK. I will all of the sudden start getting this killer headache, muscle fatigue and soreness and then the almost an overwhelming fatigue sets in. It is very strange how you feel when your bone marrow is working so hard at producing.
None the less I will not lose heart! I actually was reading my friend Angela's blog about her treatments and she used this verse during one of her hard weeks and I really thought it was fitting. It is easy for us in times of hardship to blame God, but what we sometimes forget is our focus really matters in life. If I focus on how God gives me strength each and every day to live a full life for him then the hard times, I realize, are not that hard. However, if my focus is on how cancer has ruined my life and made me miserable since Nov 1, which it has not, then I would most likely start to get depressed.
I have been asked several times why the name of my blog is, "My secret place," and I am not sure that I have addressed that on my blog. My secret place is the place where I find my peace and joy in everyday life. It is the spot in my heart that God works in me. When I started this blog I knew that I wanted it to be public, and this is a very personal time in my life, but I truly feel that God wants us all to live OUT our lives for him and show others how and why we are they way we are. So I decided to take this blog and use it to show others that in My secret place is where I am renewed day by day.
I pray that you all have a blessed Easter and the week to come!
Monday, April 11, 2011
Hello Again!
It has been so long since my last post that I did not remember my password! LOL
If you have read my blog in the past you know that I am not a blogger by nature. When this journey began in November I felt that God was giving me the urge to write. Since my friend Angela's diagnosis in December I felt like that was the entire purpose for my blog. (For those who do not know, one of my friends was reading my blog and when I suggested that all women to check themselves she decided that she would do her first self exam...well, she just finished her third dose of chemo last week.) I have in the last week been mailed a letter, called on the phone, and encouraged face to face to continue my blog. I must say I am not sure why people are interested in what I have to say, but I will try my best to at least blog weekly.
I was listening to the radio last Friday and someone asked the question, "Why doesn't God speak to us audibly?" My first instinct was to say, "He wants us to have FAITH." If He spoke to all of us then why would we need faith? I can not begin to explain why some people have more faith than others. I do know that God gives all of us gifts, one of them being faith. I also know through personal experience that when you seek and ask for God to strengthen your gifts or more specifically give you more faith He will!
It is hard to explain but from the very beginning of this journey I have placed faith in God.
for we walk by faith, not by sight. 2 Corinthians 5:7
This verse has become, for the lack of a better phrase, my cancer verse. It is easier said then done, but through prayer I have realized that without this faith the things I gone through since November seem unbearable.
So that being said today I am praying for everyone that could use a little more faith and for God to help you in the situations that life throws your way. I love you all and thank you for your interest in my life and the randomness that I type! I would ask that you would all be in prayer for my friend Angela and her family (Marty, Ashleigh and Andrew), these are not easy times for them and treatments have been rough.
Now an update on my treatment...
I have six more doses of chemo that will be spread over seven weeks. I would be done in six weeks but my peripheral neuropathy (numbness in my hands) has gotten pretty bad. It is to the point that I am dropping things a lot and do not even ask me to button a shirt for you, it will take me about thirty minutes. I was informed to tell my doctor when I started dropping things, so I did and he said that he was going to switch my chemo to Abraxane. I am very excited to be done with chemo soon. I have been doing this now for 14 weeks and to be blunt, "I am OVER this." It truly is more of an inconvenience then anything else. I have to be late to work every Wednesday because of chemo.
After I finish chemo we will wait a few weeks to see how my markers are (if there are any cancer cells in my blood). If all looks good we will start radiation. 5-6 weeks of five days a week treatment. Doesn't that sound fun! I have heard that the treatments are quick and usually you are in and out in about thirty minutes.
It is time for me get to work. I will do my best to get back on and update within a weeks time.
If you have read my blog in the past you know that I am not a blogger by nature. When this journey began in November I felt that God was giving me the urge to write. Since my friend Angela's diagnosis in December I felt like that was the entire purpose for my blog. (For those who do not know, one of my friends was reading my blog and when I suggested that all women to check themselves she decided that she would do her first self exam...well, she just finished her third dose of chemo last week.) I have in the last week been mailed a letter, called on the phone, and encouraged face to face to continue my blog. I must say I am not sure why people are interested in what I have to say, but I will try my best to at least blog weekly.
I was listening to the radio last Friday and someone asked the question, "Why doesn't God speak to us audibly?" My first instinct was to say, "He wants us to have FAITH." If He spoke to all of us then why would we need faith? I can not begin to explain why some people have more faith than others. I do know that God gives all of us gifts, one of them being faith. I also know through personal experience that when you seek and ask for God to strengthen your gifts or more specifically give you more faith He will!
It is hard to explain but from the very beginning of this journey I have placed faith in God.
for we walk by faith, not by sight. 2 Corinthians 5:7
This verse has become, for the lack of a better phrase, my cancer verse. It is easier said then done, but through prayer I have realized that without this faith the things I gone through since November seem unbearable.
So that being said today I am praying for everyone that could use a little more faith and for God to help you in the situations that life throws your way. I love you all and thank you for your interest in my life and the randomness that I type! I would ask that you would all be in prayer for my friend Angela and her family (Marty, Ashleigh and Andrew), these are not easy times for them and treatments have been rough.
Now an update on my treatment...
I have six more doses of chemo that will be spread over seven weeks. I would be done in six weeks but my peripheral neuropathy (numbness in my hands) has gotten pretty bad. It is to the point that I am dropping things a lot and do not even ask me to button a shirt for you, it will take me about thirty minutes. I was informed to tell my doctor when I started dropping things, so I did and he said that he was going to switch my chemo to Abraxane. I am very excited to be done with chemo soon. I have been doing this now for 14 weeks and to be blunt, "I am OVER this." It truly is more of an inconvenience then anything else. I have to be late to work every Wednesday because of chemo.
After I finish chemo we will wait a few weeks to see how my markers are (if there are any cancer cells in my blood). If all looks good we will start radiation. 5-6 weeks of five days a week treatment. Doesn't that sound fun! I have heard that the treatments are quick and usually you are in and out in about thirty minutes.
It is time for me get to work. I will do my best to get back on and update within a weeks time.
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
Long time!
So, it has been a really long time since I last updated my blog. Things have been pretty much the same since the last blog. I have successfully made it through my first round of chemo! I have been told by just about everyone that I talk to that even though the next round is 12 weekly infusions, it is much easier then the first round. Apparently the chemo drug I will be receiving this time is not as tough on the body and the side effects do not knock you down like the last two drugs.
I started out being able to continue with my exercise routine with slight modifications, but after eight weeks of these chemo drugs my body is just plan exhausted! I can literally fall asleep at any time as long as I am either sitting or lying down. I will be very excited to regain some energy. I met a women last week at treatment that is in her seventh week of the 12 week chemo and she said by about week five she felt like her normal self again. Her hair has also started to grow back! The whole bald head thing is really old!!!! I would love to have hair that did not require I put something over it, so I do not scare people.
Funny thing about my taste buds...they come and go. I will be a week and half out from treatment and all the sudden think, "wow I can actually taste what I am eating." It is so weird. I am very thankful for the sense of taste.
As I get further into my treatment I just want it to be over. I want to move on with my life. I want to go back to work full time and start back at school. If it were not for the chemo I would be starting back to school in a few weeks. I know that it is important for me to do this right now, but sometimes I would just like to have my "normal" life back. I will push forward and when it happens it is going to be such a sweet feeling of accomplishment!
So, I would ask that you pray what I have been this week, a resurgence of strength of body and mind. I pray for all of you that you are blessed with an abundant life filled with joy!
I started out being able to continue with my exercise routine with slight modifications, but after eight weeks of these chemo drugs my body is just plan exhausted! I can literally fall asleep at any time as long as I am either sitting or lying down. I will be very excited to regain some energy. I met a women last week at treatment that is in her seventh week of the 12 week chemo and she said by about week five she felt like her normal self again. Her hair has also started to grow back! The whole bald head thing is really old!!!! I would love to have hair that did not require I put something over it, so I do not scare people.
Funny thing about my taste buds...they come and go. I will be a week and half out from treatment and all the sudden think, "wow I can actually taste what I am eating." It is so weird. I am very thankful for the sense of taste.
As I get further into my treatment I just want it to be over. I want to move on with my life. I want to go back to work full time and start back at school. If it were not for the chemo I would be starting back to school in a few weeks. I know that it is important for me to do this right now, but sometimes I would just like to have my "normal" life back. I will push forward and when it happens it is going to be such a sweet feeling of accomplishment!
So, I would ask that you pray what I have been this week, a resurgence of strength of body and mind. I pray for all of you that you are blessed with an abundant life filled with joy!
Thursday, January 27, 2011
Peace in hard times
Hello All!
I wanted to get on today and give a quick update, but my main reason is that yesterday in my daily devotional I read some amazing words of encouragement and I just wanted to share them with everyone.
I am feeling great today. I had my CBC, blood counts tested, yesterday and all my numbers looked great. I even had some numbers that were within "normal" range. So, I am very excited that my body is taking this so well and pray that it continues to rebound between each treatment. It is very important to stay on schedule with treatments to get the best results.
I noticed something interesting the other day while eating, when you can no longer taste foods you really hone in on textures. I bit into a cherry tomato and it was awesome! Now I know we all know what it feels like, smooth on the outside and when you crunch through the skin it just bursts in your mouth, but when you can not taste it the contrast is even more amazing. I have now decided to eat foods that excite my sense of touch, instead of taste. That may sound strange but I thought it was really cool.
Ok now to my devotional... Jesus Calling by Sarah Young
It is so great that I am just going to type it just as she has it in her book. I pray that this lifts your spirits in hard times the way it did for me. This book is scripture based and it is written as if Jesus is speaking to us:
Give up the illusion that you deserve a problem-free life. Part of you is still hungering for the resolution of all difficulties. This is a false hope! As I told My disciples, in the world you will have trouble. Link you hope not to problem solving in this life but to the promise of an eternity of problem-free life in heaven. Instead of seeking perfection in this fallen world, pour your energy into seeking Me: the Perfect One.
It is possible to enjoy Me and glorify Me in the midst of adverse circumstances. In fact, My Light shines most brightly through believers who trust Me in the dark. That kind of trust is supernatural: a production of My indwelling Spirit. When things seem all wrong, trust Me anyway. I am much less interested in right circumstances than in right responses to whatever comes your way.
"I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have over come the world." JOHN 16:33
Even in darkness light dawns for the upright, for the gracious and compassionate and righteous man...
He will have no fear of bad news; his heart is steadfast, trusting in the LORD. PSALM 112:4, 7
I wanted to get on today and give a quick update, but my main reason is that yesterday in my daily devotional I read some amazing words of encouragement and I just wanted to share them with everyone.
I am feeling great today. I had my CBC, blood counts tested, yesterday and all my numbers looked great. I even had some numbers that were within "normal" range. So, I am very excited that my body is taking this so well and pray that it continues to rebound between each treatment. It is very important to stay on schedule with treatments to get the best results.
I noticed something interesting the other day while eating, when you can no longer taste foods you really hone in on textures. I bit into a cherry tomato and it was awesome! Now I know we all know what it feels like, smooth on the outside and when you crunch through the skin it just bursts in your mouth, but when you can not taste it the contrast is even more amazing. I have now decided to eat foods that excite my sense of touch, instead of taste. That may sound strange but I thought it was really cool.
Ok now to my devotional... Jesus Calling by Sarah Young
It is so great that I am just going to type it just as she has it in her book. I pray that this lifts your spirits in hard times the way it did for me. This book is scripture based and it is written as if Jesus is speaking to us:
Give up the illusion that you deserve a problem-free life. Part of you is still hungering for the resolution of all difficulties. This is a false hope! As I told My disciples, in the world you will have trouble. Link you hope not to problem solving in this life but to the promise of an eternity of problem-free life in heaven. Instead of seeking perfection in this fallen world, pour your energy into seeking Me: the Perfect One.
It is possible to enjoy Me and glorify Me in the midst of adverse circumstances. In fact, My Light shines most brightly through believers who trust Me in the dark. That kind of trust is supernatural: a production of My indwelling Spirit. When things seem all wrong, trust Me anyway. I am much less interested in right circumstances than in right responses to whatever comes your way.
"I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have over come the world." JOHN 16:33
Even in darkness light dawns for the upright, for the gracious and compassionate and righteous man...
He will have no fear of bad news; his heart is steadfast, trusting in the LORD. PSALM 112:4, 7
Monday, January 24, 2011
Round Two
Ok, Ok I know I am a terrible blogger! Not sure how to change that it is just how I am.
Round two of chemo went a lot better than the first. The nurses changed the order of my meds around and started me on them earlier and even though I did still get nauseous it was no where near the first round. I was even able to walk/jog the bridge the day after chemo and it felt GREAT! I know that sounds crazy but it is so nice to get outside and exercise. It is part of my day that relaxes me and helps me feel good about my health.
So, I shaved my head last week and then on Friday the hair just kept coming out so I called my sister-in-law to come shave it closer to my scalp. It is a little uncomfortable when it is falling out. It kind of feels like someone is plucking the individual hairs out, and I have a lot of hair. It continued on Saturday to fall out even more so I used my razor that I shave my legs with and just shaved it completely, which is still not all gone. I do not understand how I still have random patches of hair. Initially I said that I felt surprisingly beautiful with a shaved head, well now that I have a partially shaved partially bald head I am not feeling so pretty, with a hat or wig off. As long as I cover up the weirdness I am wonderful.
Another interesting thing happened to me this weekend. I woke up Sunday morning got a bowl of cereal and realized I have no taste buds! Strangely enough things that you would consider comfort food, usually terrible for you, still bring comfort you are just never satisfied because you can smell the yumminess and not taste it! What a cruel cruel joke. So, I have resorted to eating mostly soup because I like the warmth. I wonder how long my taste buds will be gone for, I would like those back ASAP.
Other than hair loss and taste bud loss I am feeling great! Thank you to everyone for the continued prayers! God Bless!
Round two of chemo went a lot better than the first. The nurses changed the order of my meds around and started me on them earlier and even though I did still get nauseous it was no where near the first round. I was even able to walk/jog the bridge the day after chemo and it felt GREAT! I know that sounds crazy but it is so nice to get outside and exercise. It is part of my day that relaxes me and helps me feel good about my health.
So, I shaved my head last week and then on Friday the hair just kept coming out so I called my sister-in-law to come shave it closer to my scalp. It is a little uncomfortable when it is falling out. It kind of feels like someone is plucking the individual hairs out, and I have a lot of hair. It continued on Saturday to fall out even more so I used my razor that I shave my legs with and just shaved it completely, which is still not all gone. I do not understand how I still have random patches of hair. Initially I said that I felt surprisingly beautiful with a shaved head, well now that I have a partially shaved partially bald head I am not feeling so pretty, with a hat or wig off. As long as I cover up the weirdness I am wonderful.
Another interesting thing happened to me this weekend. I woke up Sunday morning got a bowl of cereal and realized I have no taste buds! Strangely enough things that you would consider comfort food, usually terrible for you, still bring comfort you are just never satisfied because you can smell the yumminess and not taste it! What a cruel cruel joke. So, I have resorted to eating mostly soup because I like the warmth. I wonder how long my taste buds will be gone for, I would like those back ASAP.
Other than hair loss and taste bud loss I am feeling great! Thank you to everyone for the continued prayers! God Bless!
Friday, January 14, 2011
Round One
"LLLLllllet's get ready to be nauseous!"
Ok, I am officially a blog slacker! Sorry, I intended to blog earlier about my first round of chemo. I received my first dose on January 4th, it took a little over three hours for the whole process. I think my infusion took 2 1/2 hours. The infusion was truly no big deal. They give you some anti-nausea medicine before they start the infusion along with some medicine to calm your nerves. My nerves did not really need calming but I figured they know what they are doing. I am such a light weight and never take any kind of medication so I fell asleep. Which is probably why the infusion was not a big deal to me. I was told that the anit-nausea meds they gave me should last through the day and I could start on the five different pills they gave me the next morning. Well anyone who knows me knows that I had Hyperemesis gravidarum, extreme nausea and vomiting, during my pregnancies, so needless to say I started feel sick about three hours after my infusion. All the meds I am on are great at keeping things in but not so great at making me feel better. So the nausea lasted until Saturday and I basically slept off and on between Tuesday and Saturday.
I was given a booster shot on Wednesday to help increase my WBC count and was told that this would make me feel like a horse had kicked me, mostly in the big bone areas that would produce the most WBCs. I did not experience any horse kicking but did have times of random bone pain, mostly in my low back and pelvis.
All in all the experience was not too bad, I pray that it stays like this. I realize that the further I get into this the less my body will be able to help me out.
Enough about chemo. I find it strange that people are sooo amazed at how well I am "taking" all this. Really, what benefit would I have from sitting at home on the couch crying all day. It is not that I don't think this stinks, but it is my life at this point and I try to be a joy-filled individual at all times. So to all those out there that just do not get it. It is ok, but I am just going to keep on with my positive attitude and be grateful for everyday I wake up!
Oh by the way, I still have my hair. I am at day eleven and just this morning started to see a little extra falling out in my shower. I do not have anxiety about losing my hair, but apparently I have anxiety about when I am going to lose it. I had many dreams the night before last about losing my hair in the most awkward places and at the most inopportune times. It actually is quite funny! I go today to get my synthetic wig and hope to get a real hair wig shortly.
I pray that you all have a blessed day and hope to blog more often. God Bless!
Ok, I am officially a blog slacker! Sorry, I intended to blog earlier about my first round of chemo. I received my first dose on January 4th, it took a little over three hours for the whole process. I think my infusion took 2 1/2 hours. The infusion was truly no big deal. They give you some anti-nausea medicine before they start the infusion along with some medicine to calm your nerves. My nerves did not really need calming but I figured they know what they are doing. I am such a light weight and never take any kind of medication so I fell asleep. Which is probably why the infusion was not a big deal to me. I was told that the anit-nausea meds they gave me should last through the day and I could start on the five different pills they gave me the next morning. Well anyone who knows me knows that I had Hyperemesis gravidarum, extreme nausea and vomiting, during my pregnancies, so needless to say I started feel sick about three hours after my infusion. All the meds I am on are great at keeping things in but not so great at making me feel better. So the nausea lasted until Saturday and I basically slept off and on between Tuesday and Saturday.
I was given a booster shot on Wednesday to help increase my WBC count and was told that this would make me feel like a horse had kicked me, mostly in the big bone areas that would produce the most WBCs. I did not experience any horse kicking but did have times of random bone pain, mostly in my low back and pelvis.
All in all the experience was not too bad, I pray that it stays like this. I realize that the further I get into this the less my body will be able to help me out.
Enough about chemo. I find it strange that people are sooo amazed at how well I am "taking" all this. Really, what benefit would I have from sitting at home on the couch crying all day. It is not that I don't think this stinks, but it is my life at this point and I try to be a joy-filled individual at all times. So to all those out there that just do not get it. It is ok, but I am just going to keep on with my positive attitude and be grateful for everyday I wake up!
Oh by the way, I still have my hair. I am at day eleven and just this morning started to see a little extra falling out in my shower. I do not have anxiety about losing my hair, but apparently I have anxiety about when I am going to lose it. I had many dreams the night before last about losing my hair in the most awkward places and at the most inopportune times. It actually is quite funny! I go today to get my synthetic wig and hope to get a real hair wig shortly.
I pray that you all have a blessed day and hope to blog more often. God Bless!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)