"Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal." 2 Corinthians 4:16-18
Well today I get to watch our Easter service from the comfort of my own home due to the fact that my WBC counts are down. I have been wearing a mask in public and pretty much been quarantined to my house since Thursday. You would think that my house would be spotless at this point...NOPE, I have had zero energy.
I have at this point received four 650mcg doses of Neupogen. This shot takes a few hours to kick in, and yes I do mean KICK. I will all of the sudden start getting this killer headache, muscle fatigue and soreness and then the almost an overwhelming fatigue sets in. It is very strange how you feel when your bone marrow is working so hard at producing.
None the less I will not lose heart! I actually was reading my friend Angela's blog about her treatments and she used this verse during one of her hard weeks and I really thought it was fitting. It is easy for us in times of hardship to blame God, but what we sometimes forget is our focus really matters in life. If I focus on how God gives me strength each and every day to live a full life for him then the hard times, I realize, are not that hard. However, if my focus is on how cancer has ruined my life and made me miserable since Nov 1, which it has not, then I would most likely start to get depressed.
I have been asked several times why the name of my blog is, "My secret place," and I am not sure that I have addressed that on my blog. My secret place is the place where I find my peace and joy in everyday life. It is the spot in my heart that God works in me. When I started this blog I knew that I wanted it to be public, and this is a very personal time in my life, but I truly feel that God wants us all to live OUT our lives for him and show others how and why we are they way we are. So I decided to take this blog and use it to show others that in My secret place is where I am renewed day by day.
I pray that you all have a blessed Easter and the week to come!
Sunday, April 24, 2011
Monday, April 11, 2011
Hello Again!
It has been so long since my last post that I did not remember my password! LOL
If you have read my blog in the past you know that I am not a blogger by nature. When this journey began in November I felt that God was giving me the urge to write. Since my friend Angela's diagnosis in December I felt like that was the entire purpose for my blog. (For those who do not know, one of my friends was reading my blog and when I suggested that all women to check themselves she decided that she would do her first self exam...well, she just finished her third dose of chemo last week.) I have in the last week been mailed a letter, called on the phone, and encouraged face to face to continue my blog. I must say I am not sure why people are interested in what I have to say, but I will try my best to at least blog weekly.
I was listening to the radio last Friday and someone asked the question, "Why doesn't God speak to us audibly?" My first instinct was to say, "He wants us to have FAITH." If He spoke to all of us then why would we need faith? I can not begin to explain why some people have more faith than others. I do know that God gives all of us gifts, one of them being faith. I also know through personal experience that when you seek and ask for God to strengthen your gifts or more specifically give you more faith He will!
It is hard to explain but from the very beginning of this journey I have placed faith in God.
for we walk by faith, not by sight. 2 Corinthians 5:7
This verse has become, for the lack of a better phrase, my cancer verse. It is easier said then done, but through prayer I have realized that without this faith the things I gone through since November seem unbearable.
So that being said today I am praying for everyone that could use a little more faith and for God to help you in the situations that life throws your way. I love you all and thank you for your interest in my life and the randomness that I type! I would ask that you would all be in prayer for my friend Angela and her family (Marty, Ashleigh and Andrew), these are not easy times for them and treatments have been rough.
Now an update on my treatment...
I have six more doses of chemo that will be spread over seven weeks. I would be done in six weeks but my peripheral neuropathy (numbness in my hands) has gotten pretty bad. It is to the point that I am dropping things a lot and do not even ask me to button a shirt for you, it will take me about thirty minutes. I was informed to tell my doctor when I started dropping things, so I did and he said that he was going to switch my chemo to Abraxane. I am very excited to be done with chemo soon. I have been doing this now for 14 weeks and to be blunt, "I am OVER this." It truly is more of an inconvenience then anything else. I have to be late to work every Wednesday because of chemo.
After I finish chemo we will wait a few weeks to see how my markers are (if there are any cancer cells in my blood). If all looks good we will start radiation. 5-6 weeks of five days a week treatment. Doesn't that sound fun! I have heard that the treatments are quick and usually you are in and out in about thirty minutes.
It is time for me get to work. I will do my best to get back on and update within a weeks time.
If you have read my blog in the past you know that I am not a blogger by nature. When this journey began in November I felt that God was giving me the urge to write. Since my friend Angela's diagnosis in December I felt like that was the entire purpose for my blog. (For those who do not know, one of my friends was reading my blog and when I suggested that all women to check themselves she decided that she would do her first self exam...well, she just finished her third dose of chemo last week.) I have in the last week been mailed a letter, called on the phone, and encouraged face to face to continue my blog. I must say I am not sure why people are interested in what I have to say, but I will try my best to at least blog weekly.
I was listening to the radio last Friday and someone asked the question, "Why doesn't God speak to us audibly?" My first instinct was to say, "He wants us to have FAITH." If He spoke to all of us then why would we need faith? I can not begin to explain why some people have more faith than others. I do know that God gives all of us gifts, one of them being faith. I also know through personal experience that when you seek and ask for God to strengthen your gifts or more specifically give you more faith He will!
It is hard to explain but from the very beginning of this journey I have placed faith in God.
for we walk by faith, not by sight. 2 Corinthians 5:7
This verse has become, for the lack of a better phrase, my cancer verse. It is easier said then done, but through prayer I have realized that without this faith the things I gone through since November seem unbearable.
So that being said today I am praying for everyone that could use a little more faith and for God to help you in the situations that life throws your way. I love you all and thank you for your interest in my life and the randomness that I type! I would ask that you would all be in prayer for my friend Angela and her family (Marty, Ashleigh and Andrew), these are not easy times for them and treatments have been rough.
Now an update on my treatment...
I have six more doses of chemo that will be spread over seven weeks. I would be done in six weeks but my peripheral neuropathy (numbness in my hands) has gotten pretty bad. It is to the point that I am dropping things a lot and do not even ask me to button a shirt for you, it will take me about thirty minutes. I was informed to tell my doctor when I started dropping things, so I did and he said that he was going to switch my chemo to Abraxane. I am very excited to be done with chemo soon. I have been doing this now for 14 weeks and to be blunt, "I am OVER this." It truly is more of an inconvenience then anything else. I have to be late to work every Wednesday because of chemo.
After I finish chemo we will wait a few weeks to see how my markers are (if there are any cancer cells in my blood). If all looks good we will start radiation. 5-6 weeks of five days a week treatment. Doesn't that sound fun! I have heard that the treatments are quick and usually you are in and out in about thirty minutes.
It is time for me get to work. I will do my best to get back on and update within a weeks time.
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